joe eats

This is Foodie’s “masterpiece.” It needs to be over-the-top. So, Joe visited the top gourmet store in our area and purchased a humongous block of Truffle Tremor Cheese, the most expensive and decadent cheese available. Oh, and when I say expensive, we are talking at least $80! Yup, and this was only one ingredient. Just so you know, Truffle Tremor is a velvety, brie style cheese, composed of truffles with an earthy, creamy flavor. King Foodie’s goal was for this cheese to be the star of the salad. His plan was to turn this $80 chunk into the dressing. Grocery shopping also involved picking up five bunches of asparagus, four packages of baby greens, a bag of pears, and the “best” pecans in the RDU area.

Thanksgiving day. King Foodie jumped out of bed the second the alarm went off. Typically, this guy presses snooze at least three times. However, not when food is involved… I sighed to myself and thought, “Here we go…”

Although there was a part of me that would have rather “not known,” at 9:30 am I decided to venture downstairs and check out the damage. Wow! It looked like a bomb had exploded in our kitchen! There was smoke everywhere, all four burners on, boiling pots, skillets, cutting boards, knives, five pounds of asparagus, pears, and a King Foodie in battle mode. “Hey Joe, what’s going on in here?” I asked. “Love, I can’t talk to you right now. I’m busy. I need to concentrate,” the focused Foodie replied. “Joe,” I said in a stronger tone, “What the hell is this… for a salad!” Joe said, “I can’t talk to you. I need to concentrate,” as he meticulously, and feverishly, created asparagus ribbons, one by one. Daunting!

Ok, here is the situation. Joe is making a salad for fifteen people. He does not want to take any risk that there will not be enough food. So, he is over-estimating the amount to feed a group of thirty. The asparagus needs to fill a gallon container so all will have enough to eat! After all, this is only Thanksgiving. The guests are probably going to be “starving” and there will be no other food in the entire house!

During the peeling project, the burners are also on because Chef Joe is grilling pears to bring out their flavor. Around this time the smoke alarm goes off! Joe turns on the fan and opens all the doors and windows.

Now, for the dressing, the true star of this show! Amidst all of the chaos, King Foodie takes out his $80 chunk of cheese and dumps it into the cuisinart. He processes it into a gooey, thick, lumpy mixture, also adding salt, pepper, heavy cream and oil. Voila!

We are late! We’re late! We’re late! Five hours was not enough time to make this concoction! However, King Foodie does not want the Thanksgiving guests to starve so he quickly loads the “dressing” into

glass jars and tosses his salad into a container. I estimate there is enough to feed an entire soup kitchen.

We’re off! What a relief! It’s over. It’s finally over! Hopefully, we can relax now, and breathe… Although King Foodie almost destroyed my kitchen, and nearly had a heart attack in the process, at least we know this Thanksgiving group will not go hungry…

Worn out and winded, we arrive at Bill and Bonnie’s house for the Thanksgiving festivities. King Foodie is starving. Bonnie graciously thanked us for bringing “a salad” and instructed us to put it next to the other food, the turkey, white meat and dark, chicken, brisket, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, corn pudding, veggie casserole, cranberry sauce, and pasta salad. Desserts were on the other side of the room.

I noticed everyone serving themselves. Of course turkey comes first, mashed potatoes second, then stuffing and cranberry sauce. A few people still had room for veggie casserole, and a small few made room for our “salad” by putting a few lettuce leaves on the side of their plate. Of course, King Foodie made room for everything, including his salad and the lumpy, gooey, white stuff slopped on top. Plate piled up high, he ate everything! However, it did not look easy. No offense. I am just being honest.

4:00 pm. We are all exhausted. No one could eat a bite more or drink another sip. Yup, even King Foodie. So ok, time to go home. Joe generously told Bonnie to keep the remainder of his salad and the jars of dressing with the intent that she and Bill would really appreciate having this for lunch and dinner for the next two weeks.

Two Weeks Later

Bonnie and Bill invited us over for dinner. When we were about to leave Bonnie said, “Oh wait guys. I have something for you in my fridge. We didn’t use all of this, so why don’t you take it back.” Bonnie handed us four jars of lumpy truffle dressing, now full of mold. I guess the Truffle Tremor Cheese Dressing made her tremor too! Can’t win every time Foodie. But, there is always next year!

Savor on,

Marney

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