The “Perfect” New Year’s Eve
December 29th, 2010
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Author: During my single years, I always put a lot of pressure on myself to create the “perfect plan” for New Year’s Eve. I viewed that one night as a direct reflection of everything that had transpired over the entire past year. Worse yet, I thought that whatever happened, or didn’t happen on December 31, would be a premonition of what the new year would bring. That being said, my New Year’s Eve needed to be fabulous. Right party, right guy, right friends, right dress. Ok, but seriously, I am sure “right guy” is really the only factor that truly mattered…
However, my New Year’s Eves were always anything but… perfect. The years when I was dating someone with no formal “boyfriend” title, I was led to believe that we maybe, could and might be spending the sacred, “most important night of the year” together, subsequently solidifying our relationship to a higher ground. However, more often than I care to admit, this eager expectation was met by a “blow off,” on that very day, making it nearly impossible to reconstruct awesome plans in only three hours. Years when I had several “guys of interests,” but no one special, I made multiple plans as a sort of “safety net” for self-preservation in case one option fell through. However, at the end of the evening I was often left contemplating, “maybe I picked the wrong one,” as I was always glad, or shall we say, “relieved,” when the night was finally over. There was also the girls-night-out party consisting of dancing at loud, crowded clubs, and bar-hopping in the snowy, slushy weather. Regardless of which “plan,” I always found myself back in my apartment at 3:00am, exhausted, lonely and depressed, and with blistery feet.
Yup, even if you spent the evening out partying, pumped up on positive energy, the thoughts you tried so hard to “block out,” do creep in at some point. “Is this it? After all my effort last year, is this all I’m left with… bloody toes and a coat that smells like cigarettes? Where is my purse? Did I lose that tonight too?” And then you start reassessing, “my friends,” “my job,” “my job does not pay enough,” “my boyfriend,” “my lack of a boyfriend,” “my boyfriend is not good enough,” and so on and so on….
So, if you are one of those girls who believes that New Year’s Eve serves as a mirror image of who you are, your life, and your future…. picture this, December 31, 11:50pm. You are sitting across from a guy. Makes no difference what his name is, but let’s call him “Dave.” You have had what may be the longest, most boring, most annoying three hours of your life. Even three glasses of wine with this guy does not make him seem any better. Just when you think things can’t get any worse, the clock strikes midnight and Dave leans in for a kiss… You squint your eyes, crinkle your nose and pucker your lips as your life flashes before your eyes. Your dreams of being swept off your feet by a handsome prince, doctor, lawyer or successful businessman quickly shatter into a million pieces. Aaahhhhhh! Help! Where is my fairy godmother when I need her? Or wait a second… does she even exist?
Let’s put it this way. I was not going to wait to find out. 1:00am. In strappy shoes and party hat, I run through the cold city streets, and race up the stairs to my apartment. My mind churning, I think to myself, “I’ve had enough of my life, my job, the people in it, everything! Enough!” Once inside my apartment, my rage and frustration abate, and I am overcome with a focused, determined energy, with an intensity like none I had ever felt before. I sit down with my lab-top and begin searching. For what? I do not know. “Please. Please. Help me think of something.” I start searching dance studios nationwide. Yes anywhere, I need to be anywhere but here…
As the sun rose on the first day of the new year, I had a list of three possible job opportunities in Louisville, Tampa and Durham. I had already decided that no matter what, I was going to take one of them. Was I afraid to embark into the unknown? I don’t know. But I knew that I had to. I began going back and forth, reviewing each option, over and over again…
Jan 1, 2004. I had survived yet another New Year’s Eve. But this year, that “inner voice,” or intuition as some like to call it, was speaking louder than ever. I chose to listen, and to act. After all, it was a new day, and a new year. I thought to myself, “I am ready for a new life” and booked a one-way ticket to Durham.
Savor on,
Marney
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3 Responses to “The “Perfect” New Year’s Eve”
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Hey Marney, I can really relate! It took me a long time to realize that new year’s eve is soo over-rated.
With no significant other, I plan to ‘watch the ball drop’ tomorrow with my cat and a pint of rocky road ice cream. And yes, I am fine with that!
Loved the article! During college NYE was PARTY TIME!
That got old after a while. Now I prefer a quiet dinner with friends. That is the way I like to start the new year off!
I graduated college with you. You write very well. I hope I am not the ‘Dave’ in your story.